reflections on my journey as a pediatric resident

In my third week of residency, I gave out my first sticker.

My medical assistant opened the drawer and revealed the rolls of stickers, asking me to decide on for my affected person, who waited behind the door I simply closed, their smile becoming a member of all the opposite little smiles that stuffed this room earlier than and would proceed to fill after.

The thoughts took me years again to little toes in pink and white flowery sandals dangling off an examination desk with my again to my brother’s, holding fingers whereas two nurses stood alongside every certainly one of us and administered our vaccines collectively.

I bear in mind hopping off the desk, following the nurse and pediatrician out of the examination room and to a gaggle of drawers, which they opened to disclose rolls and rolls of stickers, beckoning us to take as many as we wished. I bear in mind the lengthy minutes it took us to make the alternatives, my mom behind us telling us to not preserve them ready for our selections for too lengthy.

Right here I used to be, 20 years later, in the beginning of my pediatric residency, sporting nude heels and a white coat, just a few toes taller than these years earlier than, this time bending over to see the stickers contained in the drawer, nonetheless with the same enthusiasm however for a special purpose.

I do know there may be extra to pediatrics than giving stickers to youngsters receiving vaccines, however the first three weeks of residency confirmed me a lot in regards to the discipline I’m solely starting to find out about.

I labored the lengthy and typically isolating hours of the evening shift. I attempted the demanding work of inpatient care within the daytime and made fast connections with households after I was the primary to see their youngster upon their admission to the hospital. I discovered to reply to being referred to as “physician” as a result of, let me let you know, the primary few instances, I couldn’t acknowledge they have been calling for me.

I’m additionally nonetheless studying the accountability that comes with that title, the questions persons are on the lookout for solutions from you for, and the considerations they want you to reassure them about.

That week I gave out my first sticker, however the week earlier than, I had my first child struggling to breathe. I had my first few youngsters struggling to eat, a affected person fighting grief, and a affected person with little coping mechanisms that they resorted to different issues. I had my first most cancers affected person and my first dialog with them about what life-prolonging measures they’d be comfy with. From every of those encounters, you stroll into the room, be taught this story, soak up it and exit, closing the door behind you, feeling undoubtedly modified however not sure but of how.

The stickers felt easy and straightforward and a reminder that I’m turning into somebody’s pediatrician, slowly however certainly.

Manar Mohammad is a pediatric resident.